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IT'S NOT A BIRD.... IT'S NOT A PLANE.... IT.... IT... IT.... IT'S SUPER TEDDY!!!!! A bit about Super Teddy... Because he owed money to Johnny the Fish, Rocco da Rabblerouser decided to brand him with the letter S. Up to this very date, the authorities still don't know what the 'S' was supposed to stand for. Maybe salmon, or silly... they're just not sure. And as far as interrogating Rocco or Johnny, their whereabouts are unkown. It's believed that Rocco is selling Mary Kay cosmetics and goes by the name Peggy. Johnny is believed to be touring McDonalds all over America in a Grimace costume. This doesn't matter. It happened, and it's over with. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about the little guy being tied down. That branding iron being held over his furry little helpless body. ENOUGH!!!!! We must move on. The 'S' on his broad little furry chest is symbolic. This all happened because Super Teddy used to gamble. He used to spend a lot of time calling the sports line for scores and updates. Super Teddy lost his right ear in a boating accident. I guess there's a price to pay for having floppy ears. I should know. Ask Super Teddy a question, he'll probably say 'what?' cause he don't hear so good no more. That's not important. What is important is the following: The 'S' stands for SUPER! Not sorrow, or self-pity, silly or salmon. S is for SUPER! And that's what we are! SUPER! EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US HAVE AN 'S' OF OUR OWN!!!! Super Teddy has to live with that S on his chest, and only one ear. But that isn't gonna stop him. Well, I know what you're thinking. Super Teddy doesn't look male... but he is. You see, he lost his 'thingy' to his first and only wife, Lorena Bobear. There was a divorce.. this whole big messy thing. Super Teddy caught Lorena in bed with Smokey. Smokey prevented forrest fires, but that's about all he prevented. Super Teddy lost the house, and his "winky". However, he still has the ginsu knife set - sentimental value, plus a limited lifetime warranty. Ginsu, it'll cut anything, and then some! Super Teddy hasn't given up hope. Oh no.. not him. He called the date line and found himself a cub with nice tatas who lived right around the corner. Believe me, it's tough to find a cub with nice tatas. You also may have noticed that his right paw is larger then his left. Cooking accident. Don't ask. Other then the fact that Super Teddy has one ear, different sized paws, a brand on his chest, and no genitals doesn't make him any less of a person. Do you get my point? We're all super! The number of ears don't matter! Genitals or no genitals, we're all on the same team! White, black, red, yellow, pink with silly polka dots -- we're all the same! Well we're not all the same. If we were it would be tough to tell us apart. There are short people, and tall people. Big people and little people. Funny people and not so funny people. There are politicians and bank robbers. Well the last one is a bit tough to distinguish, but you get my point. Super Teddy graces this web site for a reason. To make you laugh. To help you forget about your problems -- just for a minute. If you don't have any problems, I'll give you some of mine. Look at everything Super Teddy has to deal with. And he's dancing. Everyone has problems, but there's always someone who has it worse. Remember that. And don't forget to smile. Don't worry if you don't have any teeth -- it's ok, nobody's gonna know. Go and grab yourself an oreo cookie and a glass of milk. You deserve it. You've done good. DON'T BE A SOURPUSS, BE A SUPER TEDDY!!! |
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